I left the place where I copied CDs and documents, and found work as a PHP coder again. In hindsight, anything was possible. I could’ve easily coded Facebook, or Twitter. All I really need is to time travel back to this time, and tell myself to be a really great coder.
This wasn’t my way. I worked everyday on my Greek. After work I would go to 2 cafes where I’d read philosophy in one and write at the other. Coding was still a means to an end for me. I believed philosophy would somehow pay out in this world and in this life time. Unconsciously, I was doing this philosophy because I hated what my mother told me when I was 5: “You’ll never be happy if you don’t have money.” I always thought in the back of my head, “My family has money. If that’s true, why isn’t my family happy? Why are dinners such drab, boring and painful affairs?”
At one cafe there was a Scottish woman with red hair who was friendly to me. I never asked her out…
Regret.
22 July 2003
Jose told me that some women told him that I was too serious.
“You need to think less because they can tell when and what you are thinking.”